BEAUTY TIPS:
1. If your hemorrhoids are acting up, bread is a little gentler than regular toilet paper.
2. To apply makeup (works especially well if you don't want people to know you use makeup)
3. Rub it on your face to remove stubble. If your face starts bleeding, heat the bread and try again. This may take several hours.
4. Squish up a slice into your hand before you go to an interview so you can have a firm handshake.
5. Smash up toast and mix with lotion to exfoliate your skin. It works as good as botox!
6. Stuff it in your desired underwear garment to increase size of various body parts.
7. If part of your skull is missing you can stuff some bread in your head so it will be shaped normal. Bread can be used as a prosthetic.
8. If you have to belch in public, cover your mouth with a slice of bread so no one hears it or smells it. Use an entire loaf for maximum effectivity.
9. Use bread as a wallet.
1. Toast the bread (optional: with a flamethrower) and use it for target practice. Use a catapult made out of stale bread to fling them in the air.
2. Bind together several hundred loaves of bread and make a raft. Happy sailing!
3. If you ever find yourself on a battlefield, throw slices of bread to confuse your enemies.
4. You can cram it in your socks to prevent blisters on a long hike! The sweat from your feet makes the bread very nutritional in case your fun out of food and have to eat it in an emergency situation.
5. Bread is pretty indistinguishable from babies. So you can go to a hospital and replace all the babies in the nursery with all the bread and then keep the babies. You can also do this with animal. With a birds nest, you can squish the bread into egg shapes and take the eggs and the birds will never notice.
6. Stack stale loaves to make a wall or reinforce your door in case of a zombie apocalypse.
7. Cover your fist in a layer of bread. If you punch someone, it hurts more.
8. Make a bread helmet to block evil thoughts from entering your mind (bread works well for this because of its absorbent qualities).
HOME IMPROVEMENT:
1. Dip the bread in various colored paint and dabble it onto your bedroom walls
2. Scatter it outside to form a landing strip for UFO's. The whiteness of the bread reflects light well.
3. Creative project to do with the kids: toast words onto the bread and make a bread book! :D
4. Soak it in polyurethane and use the slices as tiles for your bathroom.
5. If you have to leave your pet or child home alone for prolonged periods, embed your watch or a small clock inside a loaf of bread and place it on the floor as company.
6. Throw loaves of bread into the ocean to replace the coral reefs.
1. Soak it in orange juice and make a smoothie. The bread adds texture and makes for a luscious consistency.
2. Filter your morning coffee or to remove bitterness from your tea!
3. Squish the bread for several hours until it turns into dough again. Then, use it for the crust in a pigeon pie.
4. Substitute bread for meat in any recipe. Your vegetarian friends will never notice.
5. Take the white part of a slice and make a bread taco. Fill it with all of the pills that you need to take today. Eat it.
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