Saturday, June 20, 2015

*DO* these things hate each other?, and also additionally as well too not to mention, WHO WOULD WIN?

Pencils versus Pens
Waffles versus Pancakes
French Toast versus Whoever Wins between Waffles and Pancakes
Towels versus Paper Towels
Boxers versus Briefs
Bananas versus Plantains
Paper versus Cardboard
Ice Cream versus Regular Cream
Pipes versus Bingers
Tables versus Chairs
Tables versus Much Smaller but More Portable perhaps Folding Tables
Chairs versus Couches
Couches versus Benches
Swords versus Knives
Lawnmowers versus Weedwackers
Plants versus Mushrooms
Books versus Records
Cuts versus Scrapes
Leather versus Pleather
Toothbrushes versus Floss
Broccoli versus Cauliflower
Lychees versus Kumquats
Rugs versus Carpet
Baskets versus Bowls
Plates versus Saucers
Glue versus Tape
Knives versus Forks (spoons are neutral)
Grass versus Blacktop
Wheels versus Legs
Sandals versus Flipflops
Blankets versus Sheets
Mirrors versus Walls
Paintings versus Drawings
TVs versus Radios
Tapes versus CDs
Animals versus People
Things versus Ideas
Oatmeal versus Wheat Farina
Water versus Juice versus Milk versus Soda
Faucets versus Terlets
Paint versus Wallpaper
Tile versus Linoleum
Plants (in pots) versus tchotchkes
Many Small Guns versus One Big Gun
Potatoes versus Sweet Potatoes
Yams versus Squash
Pants versus Shorts
Socks versus Bare feet
Drapes versus Shutters
Hats versus Turbans (including the military kind)
Cars versus Trucks
Shoes versus Boots
Napkins versus Tissues
Garages versus Sheds
Security Guards versus Night Watchmen
Butter versus Margarine
Strawberries Versus Blueberries
Containers versus Plastic Bags
Bins versus Tubs
Bathtubs versus Shower Stalls
Leaves versus Pine Needles
Acorns versus Pinecones
Trees versus Bushes
Antennae versus Satellite Dishes
Nuts versus Legumes
Pie versus Cake
Water versus Seltzer
Rain versus Snow
Magazines versus Short Books
Tape versus Glue
Movies versus TV Shows
Pants versus Slacks versus Trousers versus Pantaloons
French Fries versus Tater Tots
Gargling versus Spitting
Oil versus Vinegar
Paper versus Plastic
Kids Named Ryan versus Kids Named Brian
Arts versus Sciences
Cups versus Saucers
Posters versus Framed Pictures
Boxes versus Bags
Buckets versus Bags
Beetles versus Flies
Alkaline versus Acidic
Dumbasses versus Idiots
Packages versus Parcels
Bicycles versus Scooters
Emails versus Handwritten Notes
Chandeliers versus Recessed Lighting
Cherries versus Cherry Tomatoes
Photographs versus Paintings
Placemats versus Doilies
Ceiling Fans versus Regular Fans
Sports versus Leisure Activities
Mailboxes on the Sidewalk versus Mailboxes Outside Your House
Orange Cones versus Roadflares
Puppies versus Kittens
Wired Electronics versus Wireless Electronics
Bastards versus Dickheads
Recording versus Listening
Belts versus Elastic
Zippers versus Velcro
Apples versus Oranges
Karate versus Tae Kwon Do
Chickens versus Turkeys
Clowns versus Mimes
Poetry versus Prose
Tropics versus Tundra
Dictionaries versus Encyclopedias
School versus Work
Rulers versus Protractors
Staples versus Paperclips
Trains versus Planes
Needles versus Pins
Treble versus Bass
Exits versus Entrances
Statues versus Sculptures
Stairs versus Ladders versus Elevators versus Escalators
Insults versus Put-Downs
Roads/Streets versus Sidewalks
Cities versus Towns
Guitars versus Basses
Thought versus Action
Rocks/Stones versus Soft Things
Sponges versus Rags
Saws versus Axes
Soap versus Just Water
Candles versus Flashlights
Punches versus Kicks
Now versus Like Five Minutes From Now (I don't think we need to worry about five minutes ago, since it's in the past)
Tools versus Weapons
Clamps versus Strong Rubber Bands

Sunday, April 12, 2015

Things that you can do with bread

By: Heater and Lisa


1. If your hemorrhoids are acting up, bread is a little gentler than regular toilet paper.

2. To apply makeup (works especially well if you don't want people to know you use makeup)

3. Rub it on your face to remove stubble. If your face starts bleeding, heat the bread and try again. This may take several hours.

4. Squish up a slice into your hand before you go to an interview so you can have a firm handshake.

5. Smash up toast and mix with lotion to exfoliate your skin. It works as good as botox!

6. Stuff it in your desired underwear garment to increase size of various body parts.

7. If part of your skull is missing you can stuff some bread in your head so it will be shaped normal. Bread can be used as a prosthetic.

8. If you have to belch in public, cover your mouth with a slice of bread so no one hears it or smells it. Use an entire loaf for maximum effectivity.

9. Use bread as a wallet.


1. Toast the bread (optional: with a flamethrower) and use it for target practice. Use a catapult made out of stale bread to fling them in the air.

2. Bind together several hundred loaves of bread and make a raft. Happy sailing!

3. If you ever find yourself on a battlefield, throw slices of bread to confuse your enemies.

4. You can cram it in your socks to prevent blisters on a long hike! The sweat from your feet makes the bread very nutritional in case your fun out of food and have to eat it in an emergency situation.

5. Bread is pretty indistinguishable from babies. So you can go to a hospital and replace all the babies in the nursery with all the bread and then keep the babies. You can also do this with animal. With a birds nest, you can squish the bread into egg shapes and take the eggs and the birds will never notice.

6. Stack stale loaves to make a wall or reinforce your door in case of a zombie apocalypse.

7. Cover your fist in a layer of bread. If you punch someone, it hurts more.

8. Make a bread helmet to block evil thoughts from entering your mind (bread works well for this because of its absorbent qualities).


1. Dip the bread in various colored paint and dabble it onto your bedroom walls

2. Scatter it outside to form a landing strip for UFO's. The whiteness of the bread reflects light well.

3. Creative project to do with the kids: toast words onto the bread and make a bread book! :D

4. Soak it in polyurethane and use the slices as tiles for your bathroom.

5. If you have to leave your pet or child home alone for prolonged periods, embed your watch or a small clock inside a loaf of bread and place it on the floor as company.

6. Throw loaves of bread into the ocean to replace the coral reefs.


1. Soak it in orange juice and make a smoothie. The bread adds texture and makes for a luscious consistency.

2. Filter your morning coffee or to remove bitterness from your tea!

3. Squish the bread for several hours until it turns into dough again. Then, use it for the crust in a pigeon pie.

4. Substitute bread for meat in any recipe. Your vegetarian friends will never notice.

5. Take the white part of a slice and make a bread taco. Fill it with all of the pills that you need to take today. Eat it.

Wednesday, April 8, 2015

733 Days of Happy Blogging :D

Happy belated birthday to our blog.

We will listen to some insane music in honor of our dedicated readers and followers (who also happen to be the writers for our own blog)

List of future list topics (AKA topics other people are too COWARDLY to go near with a ten foot poll/survey)

1. Tight rope walking birds
2. The possibility of walking through walls if you tried enough times. Or a list of your favorite walls to walk through
3. favorite dangerous weather phenomena (including the conspiracy theory type of weather phenomena)
4. "Soggy pizza sneakers" - by Greg Tuttle. He makes the sneakers soggy
5. What people talk about to themselves and / or inanimate objects when they are alone
6. What does air breathe?
7. Philosophy of glue eating with toddlers
8. Are numbers real? or are they just an abstraction? (time also for that matter)
9. Punching people in the throat?
10. "The Triangle Conspiracy:" What is a triangle and why don't we see real ones in nature?
11. The best sand castle building technique. (Sand castles for adults)

Tuesday, December 2, 2014

The RESULTS from our poll: What would you like to be attacked with? personally, I would have picked giant trout, but the voters disagree!

Do you agree with the poll results? What would you have voted for? Please comment below!

Sharpened pencils (0%)
  0 (0%)
Fresh organic produce (60%)
  3 (60%)
Giant trout (0%)
  0 (0%)
Rolls of bathroom tissue (20%)
  1 (20%)
Chainsaws (0%)
  0 (0%)
Chickens (20%)
  1 (20%)
Karate (0%)
  0 (0%)
Huns from Mongolia (20%)
  1 (20%)
  1 (20%)
  2 (40%)
"Cereal killeer" (20%)
  1 (20%)
Ratchet sockets (like from a ratchet wrench) (20%)
  1 (20%)
Dirty Laundry (0%)
  0 (0%)
Flute used as a blow gun (40%)
  2 (40%)
Hot Sauce (0%)
  0 (0%)
kittens (60%)
  3 (60%)
Cuordory pants (clean) (0%)
  0 (0%)
  0 (0%)
Trogdor the stove (0%)
  0 (0%)
Canadians on mooses with maple syrup guns and weed (80%) 
  4 (80%)
Board Games (20%)
  1 (20%)
a salt rifle (60%)
  3 (60%)
an vague and embarrassing illness (20%)
  1 (20%)

Votes so far: 5 

Sunday, October 5, 2014


Please take our free uncosting survey. All participants will be entered in a raffle to win a free and complete print-out of this blog. Participants are recommended to choose at least five options.

RESULTS AND THE WINNER WILL BE POSTED ON NOVEMBER 5, 2014 (unless one of us forgets)

List of awesome blog ideas that may or may not ever actually exist

By Lisa Grab and guests Jen Grab and Mark Ludas
All these ideas are trademarked, copyrighted, and patented forever.

1) Life of a Cornflake (from birth to death) and have pictures of cornflake with random crap

2) Why some trees hate each other (and for good reason): with evidence as to why they are not actually in love (even if it might look like it)

The biology of rocks: all about their life cycle
Birth, Reproduction, and Death (and everything in-between)
"In case it's not clear, rocks are living."

4) People Eating Against Rocks (aka People EAR, aka PEAR)

5) featuring pictures satisfying your everyday giant carrot needs

6) The physical, emotional, social, and socioeconomic hazards of being a professional full time sword swallower.

7) In Olden Times: featuring experts talking about events, and artifacts, and reminiscences from a couple days

8) Animal Poop - features recommended poop walking trails, where hikers can view wild specimens of exquisite terds, and high definition photographs, and some videos with exclamation points. 

9) House Footprints: snails, houses, and turtles all have footprints too. But which one has the carbon footprint? the oxygen footprint? the hydrogen footprint?

10) The Science of Pie Pumpkins

11) A Conspiracy blog about how seedless watermelon are eventually going to destroy the world.

12) A huge stupid and never-ending story that goes no where but absorbs readers into thinking something MIGHT happen

13) The never-ending TANGENT

14) The never-ending infinite tangent that never ends

15) The never-ending work load of an ant

16) GHOSTS! Analyze mysterious shapes in pictures and explain why they are ghosts